rekindleme | (no subject)

One of the few disadvantages to living with Shinji was how much more carefully he had to hide his problems. Following a consistent routine felt comfortable, and Akihiko put conscious effort into trying to get over his discomforts, those nagging thoughts that would keep him up late at night. In a way, it was easy to avoid Shinji’s scrutiny, with his varying work hours and all the time he put into training. He certainly didn’t think his weaknesses were so obvious to pick up on.

Then again, Shinji wasn’t like most people. They were more in-tune to how the other felt, from growing up together and getting so close, after the fire. It was something that Akihiko reminisced on, every once in a while, because just like Shinji couldn’t forget the night of the accident, the boxer sure as hell couldn’t forget the two years that followed. In spite of their childhood history, it felt like they were getting to know each other again. He had no intention of rocking the boat, when they were still in the middle of mending things.

Akihiko normally didn’t wait this long to get contact, but a brief dizzy spell helpfully reminded him of the absence. So when he returned to their apartment late that night, and saw Shinji still awake, getting up to greet him, he didn’t just retreat to his room. He stepped toward him in suit, smiling faintly to try and cover up the fatigue aligning his features.

“Still up, Shinji?” He asked in a light tone, jacket slung over his shoulder as usual. “Did you get hungry or something?”

Edited 2013-11-03 04:44 (UTC)

Shinji frowned at him, standing up from the couch and stepping before him. "You look like shit." He announced bluntly, awaiting an explanation from Aki. He stepped to his side, looking him over before speaking again. "Sit down."

Well, damn. He hadn’t heard that tone in a while.

Akihiko quirked a brow at him, feeling like a little kid all of a sudden, anticipating a lecture after he had done something wrong. He frowned, but obeyed and sat down on the couch, calmly laying his jacket across his lap.

“Don’t worry about it,” he was quick to assure him, “I just… haven’t done the contact thing lately. Anyway, what’s going on?”

Shinjiro found it hard to believe that it was just lack of contact. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms, keeping his gaze trained on his roommate.

"That's what I wanna know. Lecturing me about contact...look at yourself."

There was something intense and probing about his gaze. Akihiko set his jaw stubbornly, and then turned his face to the side after a moment. He didn’t want to give too much away, more than what he was comfortable with.

“If you’re gonna give me crap about that, then let’s just do it.” His fists clenched tighter around the material of his jacket. “…Do you feel sick or anything?”

Shinjiro released an exasperated sigh. "Quit trying to take the focus off you." He would be alright with contact; that was their main purpose for rooming together, so that they could power up each other should they neglect to do so with others.

…But that was what he always did. Focusing on himself was just… something he usually deflected, or gave a vague answer to, like when Yukari had asked him about why he picked boxing.

“Spit it out,” he urged his friend, because it was obvious Shinji had something specific to say to him. Usually, Akihiko was used to getting the runaround from him, but his patience wasn’t exactly at full capacity right now.

Aki didn't want to beat around the bush? Fine. Shinjiro would be straight with him. No sugarcoating like he used to do with him. "Where the fuck have you been?"

He frowned as his body quickly tensed up with defensive intent. He didn’t doubt that Shinji would notice his recent nightly absences, but to actually ask him about it? That was unexpected.

“Out,” he replied curtly, having already started to feel stressed from lack of contact. “I was looking for our leader. I… No one’s heard from her lately.”

Nobody had heard from Minako? Shinjiro's stone expression cracks a bit.

"If she ain't around, then where could she have gone?" She wouldn't have been able to leave the city boundaries, right?

Good question.

“Either she got lost, or… she went home,” he speculated, and took a brief pause to rub his temples. His headache was coming back, and the damn thing made it hard for him to think sometimes. “Her apartment’s empty, so…”

Akihiko trailed off and closed his eyes, needing a minute to try and suppress those pangs of discomfort creeping up over his body. These symptoms felt even worse than the ones of common sicknesses – who the hell in their right mind would actually want to experience these?

"Thought that wasn't possible..." Shinjiro finds himself suspicious of how things work around here, moreso than usual. Was Minako not the kind of person they needed anymore? Did she not cut it? He's certain she'd have no problems maintaining contact with people. Everyone loved her. It's hard to believe she would venture out into unknown territory on her own, either. She had a good head on her shoulders.

But his attention returns to Aki. He still looks like shit. It's got to be a combination of lack of touch as well as weakened body that's making him look that way.

"Go wash up." He commanded. Aki needed some sleep, first and foremost. And when Aki was asleep, he could think things over and try to figure things out, perhaps.

Idly, a gloved hand ran up through his hair, pushing the short strands back. He opened his eyes and looked over at Shinji when he voiced that statement. “Going home?” Akihiko shook his head. “No, it’s definitely possible. It’s happened before, to other people. Not sure why, though.”

If it had anything to do with compatibility, then whoever brought them here in the first place was full of shit. Minako wouldn’t have a problem helping people with contact, and restoring power to the city. There wasn’t any consistency with who they decided to return home, and who was going to stay.

Akihiko felt his stomach clench with unease, just thinking about her going back. Time would continue to pass, and eventually, Minako would… A low growl of frustration stayed lodged inside his throat as he pushed up off the couch and slung his jacket back over his shoulder.

“What, is it bedtime already?” He quipped at Shinji, but managed to smirk a little, to show that he wasn’t being serious. To be perfectly honest, he felt pretty damn tired, and already hadn’t been sleeping well. He had to do some catching up, to restore his body back to a healthier state.

That, and start touching people more often.

He disappeared into the bathroom to do the usual pre-bed routine, and then walked back out on his way back to his own room. He raised a hand toward his friend, giving him a casual wave; “’Night, Shinji.”

Edited 2013-11-20 07:01 (UTC)

So this wasn't the first time. He's a little relieved, but at the same time frustrated. Minako could be the glue that held their little band together, and with Fuuka and Junpei there now, they'd have to get by without her. It wouldn't be impossible, but Shinjiro struggled with socialization. With her around, he had somebody who understood him.

At that thought, he picks his head up at the sound of Aki's voice. Aki used to understand him too. Maybe he still does a little. Two years feels like twenty. Aki still seemed the same, but Shinji had changed a lot. It still felt impossible to patch up the hole in his life caused by the accident. Did Aki find peace with it easier since he was just a bystander, or was it something else?

He growled softly, and followed Akihiko into his room after dimming the lights in the living area.

He didn’t show it outwardly, but there was a little more pressure on his shoulders now. Without Minako or Mitsuru around, it was his responsibility to act like the leader, which meant he needed to look out for Shinji and all of their kouhai. Not that he didn’t already do that before, but he had to be more stringent moving forward. It was damn frustrating, not having the answers… like when it came to the Shadows back home. Everyone here was mostly still in the dark about this world.

Caught up in his thoughts, it took Akihiko a few extra minutes to realize that his friend had entered his room. He was in the middle of changing into a thin shirt and boxers for sleep, and didn’t even bother to close the door. What was modesty? He and Shinji were both guys, anyway, and had grown up together. He figured it wasn’t a big deal for them to see each other undressed.

Finally, he seemed to sense Shinji’s presence, and turned around to fix him with a curious gaze. “You’re not okay, huh?” Referring to the lack of contact, since he had been… somewhat avoiding his friend lately.

Akihiko flashed a brief smile, and then stepped forward to wrap his arms around him, linking his hands together in the back. He already knew that Shinji wasn’t going to ask for help, so it was up to him to figure out what was wrong, and hopefully respond with the right solution. “…At least you’re letting me know this time.”

Shinjiro stands there quietly until Akihiko realizes he's followed him inside. He wants to make sure Aki doesn't screw around and actually gets some rest. But he may have need of a little contact. Aki would be right; he'd been getting by with the minimum. Longer than usual thanks to Junpei and Fuuka's appearance. They seem okay with the contact rules, and Junpei's actually being responsible and looking out for Fuuka, which kind of blows his mind considering he only knows the old Junpei, before the mess with Strega.

He lowers his head and leans forward as Aki embraces him, staring at the floor as he's hugged. His touch warms his body, and the general yucky feeling that came with lack of touch starts to fade a little. "You need it more than me." He replies, trying to put the focus off of himself.

“......”

Ah. So Shinji had noticed his condition too. Also knew how to look past his cheerful smile and see what was really going on, despite Akihiko’s efforts at covering up his inner distress. The boxer couldn’t help stiffening at being caught, and instantly fell quiet to sort through the mental words, trying to decide what he should say out loud. If anything.

“This isn’t about me,” he replied in a soft tone, while keeping his grip steady and strong. “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to let you go too long without it. We’ve both gotta…”

Damn it, his mind was still dwelling on that subject. Akihiko pressed his lips together, barely veiling a frown that was threatening to form. Shinji couldn’t see him like this in their current position, but he didn’t want his body language to give away anything either. He was starting to feel energy return to his fatigued form, while the ailments gradually faded.

Stupid, childish fears. That’s all they were.

“…How long do you think it’s gonna be?” Akihiko suddenly asked. “Till they… send us back too.”

Aki. So bad at hiding things. ~~Then again, so was he.~~ That was one thing that hadn't changed. Sure, Aki distressed a lot less, but there was always a giveaway when it came to finding uneasiness in him.

His question catches him off guard, but not with the same concern that Aki shares. Not realizing what it means to Aki if he returns home, he responds with some confidence. "Dunno. If we go home, we go home." They would wake up in their own world, right? Time may pass, but they'd be home.

He did frown this time, and moved back to break their hug, feeling that sudden need for distance again. “I won’t see you after we leave here, Shinji. And whether they send you or me back home… there’s no difference.”

Akihiko would only be able to visit his grave, once he returned. He couldn’t see him, talk to him, or touch him, like he could here. For that reason, he felt conflicted. He should want to go back to Iwatodai, right? Start attending university classes and continue on with his life. And yet, he was growing a little too comfortable in this world, liking the fact that he was living with Shinji again.

There was a notable pause as Akihiko reeled his wandering mind in. Slipped on that usual mask of strength and cool control, even if he didn’t always feel it. “But I’m really glad you’re okay, in that… well, wherever you came from. You’d better not waste your second chance.” He resisted the urge to look away, and circled back to their original topic; “Was that long enough?”

Shinjiro narrows his eyes, not quite following for a few seconds until it hits him.

Akihiko was from a world where he did die. No wonder he's so ridiculously clingy and worried about him here. When he goes home, it's just him.

Shinjiro is ready for death when it becomes his time to go. He didn't go day by day afraid of dying. Even his doctors at the hospital reminded him that he wasn't gonna be the same person he was before 'the accident'. It's a miracle he's still alive. But it hurts thinking about how Aki's going to take it when he does pass on. "This is why I shouldn't be around people..." he thinks to himself. With each attachment, he hurts others more and more.

He's quiet, oblivious to Aki's question.

They had already discussed the differences between their timelines, so there was no sense in beating a horse about it. He didn’t want Shinji to know exactly how much that notion bothered him, caught between wanting to move forward, or… keep standing still. All because he couldn’t let go of the most important people in his life.

For Akihiko, who focused more on the present and future, he couldn’t help feeling apprehensive this time. There wasn’t a need to return to the past, but he found himself mentally digging his heels into the present on occasion. Not that it would matter in the end, because the ultimate decision wasn’t up to him. Were they going to keep people here just long enough for others to get attached, and then yank them away?

“…Hey,” he spoke up in an attempt to get his friend’s attention, after noticing his somber demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

They had discussed this, but Shinjiro hadn't spent much time thinking about leaving this place. They'd made it sound like it was going to be a while, and he was dumb to think that it would a be for a long time.

Akihiko could be taken away tomorrow and he might not even know. Or vice versa; they get rid of him and leave Aki.

He looks into Akihiko's eyes for a moment, then starts shuffling towards the bed.

“......”

Honestly, he wasn’t surprised to receive silence as an answer. What he didn’t expect, was to see his friend walking over to his bed. His mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that their contact earlier hadn’t been long enough. Maybe he needed to keep hugging Shinji for a while.

After setting his gloves down, Akihiko followed in the same direction, and sat on the mattress, atop the covers. “Are you staying?”

"I'll leave if you want me to." Shinjiro replies with his go-to response. He never wants to get in the way of people, or annoy them, unless they're doing something wrong. But with the realizations swimming in his mind, each day could be the last.

And, well...he would hate himself even more if they were separated on bad terms. He sits down at the end of the bed beside Akihiko, and looks at the floor.

Akihiko outright snorted; the idea itself was ludicrous. “Since when have I ever told you to leave, Shinji? You were always the one that…” he trailed off with a light sigh. “Never mind.”

Progress. They were making improvements on their friendship, step by step. Living together had certainly helped; relearning about each other, and even getting into little disagreements here and there. It was the quiet moments that counted the most, talking as they were cuddling and sharing energy. Bringing up past transgressions would be counterproductive.

“Well, if you wanna have a sleepover, go get whatever you need and come back,” he suggested matter-of-factly while scooting over to the far side of the bed. “There’s enough room for the both of us.”

Edited 2013-11-22 07:47 (UTC)

Shinjiro slips off the bed and retreats into his room. Upon entering, there's a noticeable temperature change. Shinjiro's room is on the cold side, in both temperature and appearance. No decor, just furniture and the bed made in simple linens. He shivers when he readies himself for bed, looking at himself in the mirror. His reflection scowls back at him until he is done, and he wonders if he should just stay in his room and sleep alone. He would be plenty warm with or without Aki...

For a few minutes, he stands before his dresser and stares blankly at himself after getting into his sleeping ensemble.

He watched his friend leave in silence, and blinked with confusion. Was Shinji going to come back after putting on nightclothes? Akihiko sighed and shook his head; some things would probably never change. The wall that Shinji erected hadn’t gotten any flimsier or lower in the past couple of months. He cared about the others, damn it. He had to.

Akihiko slipped under the covers, but leaned against the far wall for the time being, just in case. He still felt pretty tired from the last few days, and wasn’t sure how long he could stay awake, in contrast to before.

Ten minutes pass, and Shinjiro steps quietly across the dark room in pajamas, dragging an extra pillow along. He tosses it onto the mattress near Aki's head, then sits on the side of the bed, staring at his friend.

Akihiko started a little when he felt the pillow thudding next to his head, but then familiar warmth creased the other side of the mattress. It had been a couple of years since he and Shinji last shared a room together, let alone the same bed.

"Hey," he greeted quietly, reaching up to grab his friend's arm and pull him down. "Aren't you tired too? Let's go to sleep..."

Shinjiro hesitates slightly, but eventually let his weight pull him down onto the bed beside Akihiko. He stares at him thoughtfully, his permanent front of a scowl never faltering. But the bed brings out the fatigue he's feeling, and he can't help but try to blink the sleep from his eyes.

He turned on his side and hugged half of the pillow under his head, staring right back at the other man. Shinji seemed tired too. A small stab of guilt prompted Akihiko to reach forward, lightly grazing his cheek with bare contact from his knuckles.

“Ready to talk yet?” He asked, nuzzling the pillow with his own cheek. “Or are you gonna keep giving me the runaround?”

Edited 2013-11-26 06:03 (UTC)

"What's there to talk about?" He wasn't good at small talk. It was proven when he made an attempt with Fuuka at the meeting. When centered on himself, it was even more difficult. What he did didn't seem important. He spoke when information needed to be exchanged.

"Whatever's bothering you," he replied tritely, gray eyes maintaining their usual intensity and concern. He pulled his hand back and tucked it underneath the pillow again. "Earlier, you... had this look on your face. Like you were thinking really hard about something."

Shinjiro considers rolling onto his side and facing away from Akihiko, but he's too tired to make the effort. Well, not truthfully. Akihiko should be the easiest person for him to talk to. They've been together for as long as they can remember. He had Aki's back all throughout their childhood, and made sure nobody gave him a hard time. But Aki's old enough and strong enough to start looking after himself. And without Aki or Minako around, what is his purpose?

"I have nothing." He says softly, grabbing the sheets on his side and pulling them over him.

It was never nothing, and he damn well knew that. With a slight frown, Akihiko mentally debated pushing his friend even further, but then, a sudden yawn caught him off-guard. The distance between them grew smaller as he moved forward, until he was leaning on the end of his pillow. The space on the bed was limited; cozy and intimate, reminding Akihiko of the times when they used to sleep together, in the past. They were almost close enough to touch – not that it would have bothered him if they did, of course. The contact requirement was irrelevant; he didn’t need to use it as an excuse or for justification, like Shinji.

“…Don’t think you’re getting out of this, Shinji,” he warned in a mildly stern tone, even as he closed his eyes and exhaled softly. “’Night.”

Shinjiro watches Akihiko prepare to fall asleep, staring at him with annoyance as he lay there beside him. He made an attempt to talk! But Akihiko didn't understand. He shouldn't have expected him to, but he thought maybe...

Thinking Akihiko is asleep, he mumbles 'Idiot.', then turns onto his back and stares at the ceiling.

Edited 2013-12-01 09:13 (UTC)

This was far from the first time they had thrown insults like that at each other, but coming unprovoked was a bit of a surprise. Misunderstandings didn’t happen so often before, back when they were much closer.

Brows furrowing with confusion, Akihiko reached out and nudged his friend in the shoulder to get his attention. Had he used a little more force, it would have definitely been a shove. If Shinji was going to act like a jerk, then maybe he should be pushed right here, right now, till he spilled whatever was on his mind.

“The hell? What’d I do to you this time?”

"If you don't want me to talk, fine." Shinjiro burrowed deeper under the linens, peering over the top of the sheets and staring into the darkness of the room. "It won't change what's going to happen." He finally drops his first clue!

Like hell Akihiko was going to take that lying down. He immediately moved forward and grabbed a hold of the sheets, pulling them partially off of his friend. He'd had enough of the same cryptic shit that Shinji started spewing at him, ever since he left SEES.

"Start talking, Shinji." It was a command, not a request. "Or you're not getting any sleep tonight. And if you even think about escaping back to your room, I'll just follow you there too."

As further proof of his stubborn nature, Akihiko leaned against him, resting his arms over his chest. Not bearing down hard enough to impede his friend's ability to breathe, but definitely driving the point across that he was serious about wrangling the truth out of him.

For once, Shinjiro shows a bit of shock at his friend's actions. He jumps a bit as Aki keeps him put. He's not holding on very tightly, and it would be easy to leave, but Shinji remains, giving the boxer a look of annoyance.

"I didn't expect her to..." Die. "Not be there. Anymore."

“......”

Looking just as solemn, Akihiko nodded mutely. It didn’t surprise him to know that her disappearance affected his friend so much as well. Minako had that effect, leaving an impact on the lives of all the people she touched, whether or not she did it consciously.

“You guys went out together a lot,” he remarked, remembering all the times he had wanted to suggest going to get ramen… only to find both Shinji and their leader absent from the dorm. That, combined with speculation from the juniors, even the oblivious boxer had to wonder… “Was there… something going on? Between you and Minako, I mean.”

"..." Something going on? Well, there might have been, had things continued on. She was nice, understanding, and entertaining. Shinjiro liked to hear her talk about her day; she made everyday things sound less tedious and more fascinating. She encouraged him to share his gifts, and to open up. With her around, he was starting to feel more like one of the group again, even though he didn't want that to happen due to the way things were going.

And she saved his life. Indirectly, but if she hadn't gone through the trouble of finding his watch...

But his time with her was brief. And that's all it will have been when he goes home. Even if she didn't die, she was still living her life while he was unconscious. There were others in her life to be there for her. And she more than likely gravitated to them. A sleeping boy can't provide for anyone.

"There might have been."

"Might have?" He repeated, maintaining a curious gaze. Though, there was mild confusion in his expression now. It wasn't like he understood anything about romantic relationships, other than what he saw and heard from people around him. Shinji had always insisted that girls complicated life. So did that mean they weren't worth pursuit, just because it was challenging?

Akihiko lowered his gaze thoughtfully. The cogs inside his head were turning. He was ignorant and inexperienced, but not outright stupid. Things didn't bother Shinji in the same way - at least, not very easily. Then again, that might be part of the front he put up, acting like he was unaffected in order to hide the truth.

"She could come back, you know," he mused out loud, trying to keep his tone light and optimistic. That was his role, his duty, to look at the glass half-full and motivate everyone to trot forward, even when it seemed like darkness would overtake them. "And if she does, then you'll have a second chance to be with her. Just... stop holding back and pushing everyone away. How else is she gonna know how you feel?"

Girls and romance weren't exactly common topics of discussion for them, but Akihiko wanted to be supportive of his childhood friend. If Shinji was happy being with Minako, then he would encourage them to get closer. Be together, if that's what they both wanted. Because Shinji didn't see the way she cried over his... well, death, from what he remembered. Even so, in this other timeline, she had to have felt just as devastated.

"You mean a lot to her, Shinji. Don't ever doubt that." With the reassurance, he started pulling away, face turned to the side and unreadable, in deeper contemplation.

He didn't want her to come back, because she would be stuck again. He wanted her to stay in Iwatodai, and be happy and alive. But it seemed that it would not be a possibility.

Did he love her? Love wasn't something Shinjiro was well versed in, either. With the way things were going, he didn't care about looking presentable to people. Having someone get attached to him when he thought that his time would soon be over would just mean that he would have caused more pain.

He hated the word. It was too complicated. Love. There was paternal love, which he did not know. There was passion, which he knew in terms of a hobby but nothing more. Love between two people certainly wasn't the same as the love for a pet either.

He was being quiet again, staring blankly past Akihiko and at the wall. He pulled his arm out from under the sheets and touched the side of Aki's, feeling the warmth of the energy they created.

He wasn’t a mind reader, damn it. Whenever Shinji got quiet like this, it was hard to figure out what was going through his head. Akihiko sighed, thinking this might be the end of his probing for now, until the unexpected reach toward his elbow.

“Hmm?”

He blinked slowly, almost in surprise, and then moved his arm lower to clasp their hands together. Warmth flowed through his bare skin, drawing a small smile of affection across his lips. Direct contact felt a little unusual at initial touch, as always, serving as a reminder of his gloveless state.

Akihiko stayed silent for some time before finally admitting, “I don’t want to lose you too. Not again.”

Edited 2013-12-02 06:02 (UTC)

Hands clasped, Shinjiro pulled himself closer to Akihiko, so much that Akihiko could probably feel his breath on the back of his neck.

"Remember? You'd get in my bed and share the extra blankets." He asked, lowering his eyes and enjoying the warmth.

A sudden shiver startled him, but he recovered and squeezed his hand, nodding in agreement.

“Heh… yeah. Especially after…” he trailed off at the reminder of his sister. After clearing his throat, he continued, “You were always looking out for me. It felt… well, safer. Being with you. Especially when I had nightmares…”

Fire, always roaring fire plaguing his subconscious mind. Melting, consuming, suffocating – keeping him at bay, weak and defenseless. He would never forget that night.

"You needed it." Caretakers could only do so much. They wouldn't always be there. When you're little, you need someone to help you out. Somehow, Shinjiro assumed that role, even though he too was just a child.

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Shinjiro you're a buttface >:c

*RASPBERRIES*

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RASPBERRIES