rekindleme | (no subject)

Who: Shinju Gouka and his friends (Pilouette, Steve, Yu)
Where: District 5, 4, and his apartment
When: 24th to the 28th
Summary: Memory switch time!
Warnings: Memories of physical abuse, death, mentions of suicide attempt, yadda yadda

Shinju had given up trying to be cheerful 24/7, if he was completely honest. Of course he was still mostly smiles and humor with his friends, but trying to keep himself from thinking about returning home and the things Saeng Seong can do was a futile endeavor, and he was well aware of it. It was starting to become clear to him that he couldn't go back to the normal life he wanted and that he may be forced to move forward soon. He was starting to think that maybe he should prepare himself for it.

(Un)fortunately, it seemed the city had decided to help him out by making him face some of his worst memories by exposing them to others.

[Pilouette: District 5]

Shinju hoped that the myriad of things there was to do in the entertainment district would be enough to distract him, so he was out on the boardwalk getting snacks for himself and Pilouette for whenever she arrived. He let out a sigh as he stepped away from the stand, and soon he found himself staring at the river and getting lost in thought.

[Steve: District 4]

When he wasn't trying to distract himself, Shinju figured that the best place to mope around with no one seeing him was the spacious and peaceful park district. Though he'd brought a sandwich, it lay untouched as he sat on the edge of the pond, arms resting on his knees as he kicked a pebble in and watched the water ripple.

[Yu: Their apartment, 28th]

At this point Shinju had become well aware of what was going on and he was not happy. Some of his closest friends were exposed to some of his worst memories. Having that happen, being reminded of those things, as well as experiencing terrible things from his friends' pasts was too much. So instead of going to work or doing anything that day, he holed up in his room. Maybe if he just stayed in bed nothing else would happen.

He already dreamed of a little sister dying and barely stopping himself from throwing her sort-of murderer to certain death. He'd recognized the faces of Kanji and Naoto in the memory and just hoped to god that Yu hadn't seen anything awful.

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"Valentine's Day?" He repeated, not sure what she meant at first. The dread left his face as he blinked, looking mildly surprised. After a moment of thought, he let out a relieved chuckle. Those were much better memories than what he'd been worried about.

"Oh, like at school? That was always a disaster, like getting five carnations in homeroom and trying to not be embarrassed by everyone staring... I could never figure out how to deal with it."

She smiles, just a little. "I guess it's not surprising to hear that you were like, so popular," she replies. After all, Shinju is pretty nice and he's not bad looking at all. "I guess I could see how that could be a little embarrassing, though...not that I'd know."

Really, she thinks she would prefer to be a little more popular herself. She tilts her head to the side thoughtfully. "You said you saw something about a store clerk, though...?" she asks. She goes to stores every day, so she can't figure out right away what that memory could be about.

He shrugs a little awkwardly, not knowing what to say. It feels like he'd either be rubbing it in her face if he said something positive about it, or dismissing her feelings if he said something negative. Because of that he's a little grateful for her question, though he wonders how to put it.

"I guess this one was close to your school?" Sure, Shinju, that's really specific and will answer the question. Just come out with it already.

"I think you liked him."

It takes a second for Pilouette to process that, but soon her eyes widen just a little with a quiet "Oh!" as her cheeks go a little pink.

"Y-Yeah, uh...yeah, I did," she says, with a small smile. "I was only in like, 8th grade or whatever, so it like...wasn't anything, you know? Not really."

She's not especially embarrassed, nor does thinking about it make her feel depressed, but it's been quite a while since she thought about that particular crush and there are some feelings to be had. She's not sure if she would call it a particularly important memory, but she's at least thankful it was that and not something more awkward.

Shinju tilts his head slightly, giving her a smile that's a little hard to decipher. It's partially an attempt at being reassuring, but he can't put his all into it, so he covers it up by speaking.

"It was still something important to you at the time, right? Even if it faded, it was still enough to make a mark on you."

He offers her the cotton candy she'd reached for earlier. "Here."

"Oh, thanks," she says, taking the cotton candy from him, still wearing that soft smile. "I guess you're right, though. It wasn't really all that long ago, either..."

She picks off a piece of fluffy sugar and stuffs it into her mouth, letting the cotton candy melt on her tongue as she thinks. She doesn't want to embarrass Shinju, but...she's kind of wondering. As the last of the sugar melts away, she looks to him, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"What about you?" She asks. "You weren't like, into any of those letter writers, but you've probably liked someone before, right?"

He decides to finally munch on some popcorn himself, looking out onto the water as he thinks over his answer.

"I guess I never really thought that much about it," he admits. "I was more worried about keeping all my friends. I dated one of them once, but nothing really came of it, so..."

He shrugs, affecting a smile for a moment. "It's not that I'm not interested, but I haven't had a crush on anyone."

"Oh."

Her eyes widen briefly. She's not sure she's ever met someone who seemed so...calm about this kind of thing. Actually, she can't help but think it's kind of cool and mature. She wishes she could be that calm about...well, anything. However, there's something else he said that catches his attention.

"But like, why would you be worried about keeping your friends, though?" she asks, frowning thoughtfully. "I mean, like, it's not like you're weird or whatever, you know?"

Shinju pauses at her question, looking away a little sheepishly and letting out a quiet, nervous laugh.

"I... dunno. I guess I was just... I was really lonely as a kid. I didn't have any family my age, and my parents were gone all the time, so for a while I didn't have any friends or anyone to talk to aside from my babysitter. I never wanted to go back to that, so... I guess I just worried about it without thinking."

His fears are a lot more justified as of late, with what happened to him before he arrived here and the people he met in the city disappearing, but he tries not to dwell on it.

Pilouette shifts her gaze off to the side.

"I can kind of understand that. My parents weren't home much, either, even after we moved," she says. "I didn't have any actual friends until after I started school. I guess I can like, kind of get where you're coming from."

Though, she at least had her grandparents around before the move. From the sound of it, Shinju didn't even have that. Still, hearing that they had somewhat similar circumstances as far as friends went makes her feel just a bit closer to him. She had always assumed that Shinju was one of those people who didn't or never had to worry about having friends.

He smiles a little wistfully when he hears she was in a similar situation, glad she can empathize but a little sad she had to go through the same kind of loneliness. After a moment, he decides that's about enough of him feeling sorry for himself and smiles more earnestly.

"At least we have friends now, right?" he says, trying to keep his mind from going to any worse places. "I wouldn't give up the ones I have for anything."

Pilouette smiles and nods. As much as she worries about people liking her...it's true she appreciates the friends she has, especially given that she's more awkward than she would like.

"Me, too! If I didn't have any friends, I'm not sure what I'd do," she replies. "I remember the first time I made a friend. ...I was still pretty awkward, but it was nice having someone to be awkward with."

"We're all a little awkward sometimes," he says, "but I think those are the friends you can have the most fun with--the ones you don't have to worry about being weird around."

He nods his head in the direction of the ferris wheel at the far end of the path. "Well, the boardwalk's not going to explore itself, right?"

Pilouette smiles. After all, he's right; when you can be yourself around someone, it's more fun to be with them. However, that's something she's still having a little bit of trouble with...but she can think about that later. Having fun is much more important right now!

She looks in the direction he indicated and nods, before giving him a gentle, playful bump with her shoulder and skittering a few steps ahead of him.

"Yeah...! Let's go!"