rekindleme | (no subject)

Who: Shinju Gouka and his friends (Pilouette, Steve, Yu)
Where: District 5, 4, and his apartment
When: 24th to the 28th
Summary: Memory switch time!
Warnings: Memories of physical abuse, death, mentions of suicide attempt, yadda yadda

Shinju had given up trying to be cheerful 24/7, if he was completely honest. Of course he was still mostly smiles and humor with his friends, but trying to keep himself from thinking about returning home and the things Saeng Seong can do was a futile endeavor, and he was well aware of it. It was starting to become clear to him that he couldn't go back to the normal life he wanted and that he may be forced to move forward soon. He was starting to think that maybe he should prepare himself for it.

(Un)fortunately, it seemed the city had decided to help him out by making him face some of his worst memories by exposing them to others.

[Pilouette: District 5]

Shinju hoped that the myriad of things there was to do in the entertainment district would be enough to distract him, so he was out on the boardwalk getting snacks for himself and Pilouette for whenever she arrived. He let out a sigh as he stepped away from the stand, and soon he found himself staring at the river and getting lost in thought.

[Steve: District 4]

When he wasn't trying to distract himself, Shinju figured that the best place to mope around with no one seeing him was the spacious and peaceful park district. Though he'd brought a sandwich, it lay untouched as he sat on the edge of the pond, arms resting on his knees as he kicked a pebble in and watched the water ripple.

[Yu: Their apartment, 28th]

At this point Shinju had become well aware of what was going on and he was not happy. Some of his closest friends were exposed to some of his worst memories. Having that happen, being reminded of those things, as well as experiencing terrible things from his friends' pasts was too much. So instead of going to work or doing anything that day, he holed up in his room. Maybe if he just stayed in bed nothing else would happen.

He already dreamed of a little sister dying and barely stopping himself from throwing her sort-of murderer to certain death. He'd recognized the faces of Kanji and Naoto in the memory and just hoped to god that Yu hadn't seen anything awful.

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He looked miserable when he glanced back up to Steve, and it was only a split second before he looked away. His feelings of hopelessness became feelings of worthlessness, and it was hard to push those away.

"They wouldn't have known the difference."

"But they do."

Maybe they wouldn't have known if Shinju died back there, but Steve felt like that didn't matter too much in the end. That wasn't what happened and he was here among people that know him.

Steve's words didn't appear to have much of an effect on Shinju. He didn't even sigh, just continued to stare into nothing for a moment.

"You're right," he said. "No point wondering."

He moved to step past Steve, not even looking at the man.

It was obvious that none of the things he was saying were really helping out. Shinju still looked upset and Steve really didn't know what else to say to comfort him. He was never pushed that far to the point where he wanted to die and he never really knew someone either.

His mind drew a blank. This was different from giving out speeches to troops on a battlefield. This was just Shinju.

The young man started to leave Steve behind, and though he hoped the man wouldn't try to stop him, he knew he wasn't going to feel satisfied when he was finally out of the man's sight.

Things were just getting worse. Shinju just wished he could disappear.

Edited 2014-06-27 06:00 (UTC)

Steve still didn't know what to say to him, but he felt that he couldn't leave him alone either. After all, he did reveal that he was suicidal and it didn't seem right to just leave him be after learning all that. Maybe he didn't know how to make Shinju feel better, but Steve should at least show some form of support.

It didn't take him long to start following Shinju. "Just know that I still consider you a friend."

"Don't waste your time," he mumbled, feeling defeated. He rarely got to be alone when he wanted it most, he knew, but it didn't stop him from feeling slighted every time it happened.

But he had no energy to try to push Steve away with anything other than a few sullen words at a time.

"Not wasting it."

If Steve felt that he was wasting his time, then he wouldn't be here. But trying to help someone was never a waste, especially since he felt that Shinju was a good person overall. Even if he now knew about what he tried to do, Steve didn't think he was a person that shouldn't be helped.

There was probably little point in arguing with Steve. Just knowing that the man went into the army as sickly as he was spoke to the fact that he was determined whenever he put his mind to something, and Shinju couldn't get up the drive to do something drastic enough to get him to go away.

"Fine, do what you want," he replied quietly after a long sigh.

Steve didn't have much of a plan right now, besides sticking with Shinju and trying to help in whatever way he could. At least he didn't push him away, even if he didn't sound pleased about what Steve was doing. He could work with this. Better than arguing or fighting about it.

"Hungry or thirsty at all?" He asked after a few quiet moments. Steve was shooting in the dark now, but he felt like he had to say something.

"Lost my appetite," Shinju mumbled, not bothering to glance at the still-wrapped sandwich in his hand. He'd probably just save it for later. At the moment he didn't think he could stomach much of anything.

At this point he was just doing his best to turn off his emotions. It was easier than fretting over what Steve probably thought about him now.

He hadn't seen Shinju shut down like this before, to the point where he was almost completely unwilling to talk with him. There was that one time at the river, but it wasn't as bad as this. But he hurt Shinju, that much was obvious.

Steve wasn't sure his presence was helping matters all that much, but he continued to walk with him.

The silence hung heavily between them as Shinju continued forward, but after a minute he let out a quiet, drawn-out sigh. He either was going to be empty or miserable, but it didn't appear he was about to be alone, for whatever strange reason Steve had for following him.

He thought maybe it was pity, but couldn't bring himself to think of about how he felt about that thought. He forced himself to speak instead.

"Could drink something," he said, still mumbling, because at the moment it was taking a lot of energy the young man didn't have to say anything.

Oh, Shinju wanted something to drink? It was a little surprising to him that he actually took the suggestion, but it was something that Steve could work with. Better than the complete silence they shared.

"There's the cafe you enjoy going to. Not too far from this place." Normally he would go drinking at a bar with the person, but Steve was a responsible adult. ...Really. At least when it came to stuff like this. He wasn't about to encourage underage drinking.

Shinju wouldn't have even thought of drinking any alcohol, even if Steve had offered to take him to a bar, but if he'd known the man stopped himself from offering, he would have appreciated it. Alcohol was a sore subject for him at times, and it would have only served to make his mood worse, if that was possible.

He shrugged just barely to indicate Steve could lead them there. he couldn't bring himself to do much else.

Well, he didn't straight out refuse. Steve was going to take that as a win. It was acceptance, even if it looked more like Shinju resigning to his fate.

So he continued to walk ahead, there was no point in backing out now.

As they continued to the cafe, he wondered if Steve would managed to think of anything to say or if he would just remain silent for the most part. He didn't know if he'd rather have the silence or talking, even if the latter carried the risk of returning to the topic of his death-of-sorts.

He missed the days where they could just talk casually, where war and deaths hadn't changed Steve, and where he could just pretend he was a normal guy with normal problems.

Edited (wow wrong icon) 2014-07-04 18:27 (UTC)